Every time I talk to my friends, we joke about how we are at the point in life where if someone says 2 + 2 = 5, we don’t correct them or argue. Not everyone and everything is worth your words. This wisdom to conserve your energy and disengage from people who don’t add value to your life—without any anger or resentment—comes only with life experiences and age.
We, sometimes, also talk about how no one ever told us about the real-life stuff. So much of the gyaan was focused on being a good woman, not making mistakes, getting societally approved grades, not dating certain kinds of boys, learning how to be a good wife, and keeping the in-laws happy, being ambitious but not at the cost of family life. Basically, be a woman who pleases others, is well put together but doesn’t live for herself. Period.
None of the hand-me-down life talks included tips on self-love or self-care, how to build healthy boundaries, learn to say a NO, practice self- compassion and kindness towards self, prepare for when the heart breaks and relationships, financial empowerment, or how to navigate grief. So, here is a letter to my younger self (and for anyone who needs this love today) what I’ve learned through health and spiritual growth that I wish I’d known earlier.
Advice on Personal Growth
Test the waters and jump in. You might fail … but what if you succeeded? If you are making mistakes that means you are trying, which means you are on the path of growth and evolution. Know that lessons learned from experiences that initially felt like setbacks, are worth it. Embrace mistakes and think of them as opportunities for learning. No matter what, remember the importance of patience and perseverance.
Navigating Relationships
It’s not your job to please others. Don’t use familiarity or what will people say as an excuse to stay in toxic relationships. Recognize nurturing and genuine friendships and give them your attention and energy. Walk away from those who leave you feeling depleted and second-guessing yourself. Not all family members will feel good for your nervous system. It’s okay to add healthy boundaries. Know that it’s impossible to be authentically connected to everyone in the extended family or the world. By the same token, prioritize the ones who matter and maintain strong family bonds.
Pursuing Passions and Dreams
People will judge you no matter what. You owe it to yourself to live your best life. Follow your heart, show up with dedication, stay true to your path, and mute the societal expectations. There is so much value in courageously taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone. You don’t want to wake up at 40 and blame your family and community for your unhappiness or the choices they made for you. There is magic in staying true to yourself and your values. The struggles are hard, but they are also motivating.
Handling Stress and Anxiety
You don’t have to be the peacemaker or joker in relationships to diffuse tense situations. You don’t have to constantly give to others and ensure they are OK. Prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing first. Ask yourself what it is that you need. Create rituals and habits to empower your emotional health—be it going to bed on time or not using food/alcohol as a coping mechanism or having a nighttime wind-down routine or building a sustainable meditation practice or just NOT hanging out with some people. Busyness is not glamorous, and rest is revolutionary. Know that nothing is constant so, like good times, bad times too shall pass. Positivity is contagious, and happiness is a choice.
Practical Wisdom
You will not use trigonometry that you learned in high school, but you will need the wisdom to manage your finances. Don’t be afraid of numbers, and don’t let patriarchy let you believe that only men are skilled at managing finances. Practicing financial wellbeing is also a form of self-care. Plan for your future while enjoying your present. Get the right help. Similarly, it’s OK to evolve and want to do something different in your career. But make sure you don’t undervalue the power of a consistent income stream. Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it does make the difficult days more bearable.
Perspective on Time
As a South Asian kid, you will be forced to focus on the future. House, car, savings, family, and investments. While that’s important, appreciate the present moment rather than always chasing future happiness. Pack your bags, see the world, eat that ice cream, surprise your partner, plan a getaway with your girlfriends, and visit your family often. Hug your loved ones often. Life is an adventure so experience it. Some moments will be so fleeting that you won’t realize their importance for years. Say gratitude for all the moments—the good ones become your anchor for the future and the bad ones build character.
Self-Confidence and Self-Acceptance
People will treat you the way you allow them. Don’t enable bully behavior. Remind yourself every day that you are worth your love, self-care, and respect. We all seek external validation—it’s called being human. But notice when it’s becoming harmful and de-stabilizing. No one is perfect and no one’s life is seamless. Don’t compare, accept your own imperfections, and celebrate your strengths.
Resilience and Coping with Loss
No one tells you this, but you will lose friendships, relationships, health, job opportunities, and loved ones with time. Happiness isn’t a promised destination; you must work on it. Sometimes, you won’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. There’ll be times you’ll be left wondering about certain ends. It’s okay to not have all the answers. You’ll feel that life is over, and you can’t move on. That’s why it’s important to build mental resilience to handle difficult experiences. Loss of any form will be devastating but have practices in place and surround yourself with a supportive community to accept loss or change and move forward with hope.
Reflection on Priorities
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Hold space for your anger, eventually forgive and then move on. That imperfect prom dress or losing 3 marks on a geography test shouldn’t send you into a spiral. Notice who and what truly matters in life. Yes, that missed prize might feel important in the moment but life needn’t be so serious and performative. While career and the success ladder are important, balance ambition with meaningful connections.
Encouragement and Hope
There will be times when the universe will test you, and everything will feel cruel. Your world might fall apart, and you’ll feel all alone. Know that uncertainties of the future are something we all face. But also remember to trust the process and believe in your journey. Be flexible—in your mind and body so you can roll with the punches. Remember to never personalize anything.
“Dear younger me, try to stop worrying so much.”
