Many women in South Asia leave their parents’ home after marriage to live with their partner’s family. From the very beginning, they are unconsciously and consciously taught “a set of rules” that would guide their lives. They are (proudly) taught to be sacrificial, submissive, and highly adaptable. They are often told that they are embarking on a new journey, a new life after marriage embodying a new identity leaving the old one behind. Living with in-laws or not, their lives; including the big and small decisions, routines, finances, food, clothes, habits, entertainment, pleasures, indulgences, and time, among many other things, have the possibility to be consumed (read: controlled) by their partner’s family after marriage. While their own families choose to leave their hands (figuratively and sometimes literally too), the country they were raised in, the culture and the language they thrived in, stays with them. They, however, do not choose to betray them.
But what about those women who leave both their country and home behind; who find it difficult to identify with both the places they did and didn’t choose? The case of so many South Asian women in America or other Western countries. Studies reveal female emigrants from South Asia in America face several mental health issues that often get brushed under the carpet and are not being studied or researched properly.
1 in 5 US SouthAsians reported having experienced a mood or anxiety disorder in their lifetime with a higher level of mental distress in South Asian women. Common Mental Disorders (CMDs) such as depression and anxiety are reported to be highly prevalent in South Asian immigrant women. While this sub-group has not been researched and reported properly for mental health in America (an urgent need though), some research reports in other Western regions such as Europe and Canada mirror and lay bare the realities of South Asian women in foreign lands. For instance, a study says, “Young married South Asian women in the UK are three times more likely to attempt suicide than their white counterparts, and seven times more likely to complete a suicide attempt than South Asian men.”
Factors – as a result of their intersecting identities (race, caste, status as non-natives, and gender) – such as their social marginalization in the foreign land, instability or vulnerability of their status as citizens or residents, mixed with the conditionings, discriminations, or lived experience of their gender and caste, affect their mental health distinctly.
Social stressors such as poverty, language isolation, indifferent treatment from the host society or the unwelcoming nature of the host country, and lack of familial emotional support and protection, are some of the factors that weigh in heavily on both male and female emigrants. But, gender exasperates and further complicates this for South Asian female emigrants. The trauma, experience, memory, and conditionings of the gender norms and practices of the home country often never leave their side.They carry them and tend to pass them on to the next generation.
“Good and Bad Woman”
“What if others find out? What will they think of you? What will they think of us? A good Indian girl doesn’t behave like this.” These questions, very much rooted in South Asian cultures, places value of women in how well they conform to societal and familial expectations, where their worth is placed on the honor of their family and community. The culture largely sees women as carriers of traditions and police their behavior, choices, and ambitions through a rigid framework of morality. It tends to silence individuality in women and reinforce the idea that a woman’s actions are not her own but a reflection of her family’s reputation. This forces them to walk on eggshells unconsciously most of the time to avoid actions that could brand them as “bad girl or woman.” As a result of this brutal pressure to be a “good mother, wife, or daughter,” there is little room for them to express themselves freely or focus on their personal growth.
Not only do South Asian women suffer from mental disorders but they also do not tend to seek help. Taking help for “small inconveniences” (read: serious mental illnesses) is seen as a sign of weakness. Words like depression, anxiety, and insomnia have a taboo attached to them; taking help for it comes as shame for the community and is not openly talked about. As a result of this, they tend to dismiss their mental problems and tend to have negative and discriminatory attitudes towards them.
Bridging the Gap between Two Distinct Cultures
“In one culture, we’re encouraged to take care of other people, sometimes at the expense of ourselves and in another culture, we’re encouraged to take care of ourselves at the expense of others,” says Sahaj Kohli, an Indian American therapist, writer, and speaker, who is also famously known for her Instagram page “Brown Girl Therapy.”
“Desi” culture often demands women put others before themselves (largely at the expense of their own well-being). It thrives and focuses on community engagements and large social gatherings. However, western cultures are centered on individualism, personal freedom, and self-prioritization (often at the expense of familial, social, and communal ties). This cultural divergence creates a complex struggle for South Asian women navigating both worlds—they are expected to uphold tradition while also seeking personal fulfillment, often feeling caught between duty and desire.
Education, Awareness, and Safe Spaces
Bridging the cultural and mental health gap for South Asian women requires creating safe, judgment-free spaces—both online and offline—where they can share their experiences, seek support, and heal collectively.Spaces such as professional therapy and support groups must have professionals who understand the unique struggles of South Asian immigrant women. It should also extend to community spaces of art, music, dance, and other cultural activities where women express themselves creatively and find strength in shared experiences while reclaiming their unique and distinct individuality.
It is also crucial to raise awareness and educate on mental health within South Asian communities to reduce stigma, promote open dialogue, and normalize seeking help. But overall, most importantly, the task ahead is to not just to allow women to seek help and support but also to actively build spaces of joy, resistance, and belonging—where South Asian women are not just surviving but thriving. Healing is not just about breaking cycles but also about creating new boundless possibilities. As Maya Angelou famously said, “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
