With a group of my girlfriends, last week, I attended a tete-a-tete in midtown Manhattan where Simi Shah (Founder of South Asian Trailblazers) interviewed Karishma Mehta, the Founder of Humans of Bombay. Desi Galli … another woman-owned business … catered the event. I fell in love with their cauliflower tacos.
With the South Asian representation being the focus that evening … we all felt lit. Interestingly, every single one of my friends said something sincere and soft to me. “You look well-rested.” Or “I feel calm around you.” Best compliment, “You look lighter.” Let me be straight; this isn’t how my friends and I roll. We root for each other, but our social hour isn’t about compliments.
In one of the podcast interviews about my new book, The Loss That Binds Us, … the interviewer said, “I wish I could carry your light spirit with me until the end of my day.” In work meetings and at entrepreneurial dinners, people said something similar. In fact, a professor turned to me at a work dinner, “That inner light, always keep it burning bright.”
If you have been reading my Balanced Life column, you know I have written plenty about grief and loss. Grief is sticky, heavy, imprisoning, and extinguishes our inner brightness. Grief is also accompanied by expectations and disappointments aka heavy emotions.
So, in May 2024, after we commemorated my mom’s 10th death anniversary and my father as well as father-in-law’s first death anniversary within 3 days of each other … I also burned everything and anything that held me back. I let go of anything that stole my lightness. And, slowly, parts of old Sweta, from 10 years ago, started to reappear along with the newer version.
Make time for joy
When we were in Houston for Memorial Day, at a friend’s party, 5 of us danced nonstop for 4.5 hours. I have always loved dancing and was a choreographer in college. But this party was such a reminder of what makes us truly happy needn’t cost much or hurt us. NONE of us had any body aches or knee pain or pulled muscle issues the next day. Joy can be a healer. Once a week—whether it’s dancing or grabbing an intentional chai or attending trailblazer events with my friends or connecting with my cousins or going to the movies with my husband—I carve out time for bliss.
Recognize your own bullshit
As desis, we are conditioned to accommodate everyone. But here’s the thing; we have all fought certain stereotypes and gone against the tide. Maybe it’s time to acknowledge and work on our own self-harming patterns? For instance, I used to be that person who was always available and accessible. Others took advantage of my niceness, but why didn’t I stop them in the tracks? I am a pretty intuitive person. Ask yourself these questions. Where do you overdo things? Where do you need to scale back? Which aspect of your life could use “reduction?” Where do you sense being “stuck?” Which parts could use “cleansing?” This brings me to my next tip.
Slow down and pause
We cannot grow from a place of scarcity and hurry. The modern-day go-go pressure is not conducive for our mental and emotional nourishment. Why are we constantly in a state of rush and onto the next thing? Slow down. I am not asking you to lock your doors and spend the entire weekend reflecting. But make time for turning inward and deliberations. Cultivate silence daily and pay attention to your triggers. Don’t feel pressured to respond to every email and text message right away. Your nervous system will thank you.
Explore new places
Travel when you can. It’s the best teacher. If money or time or work commitments don’t allow you to take a 2-week vacation … that’s OK. Go hiking over the weekend. Find a new restaurant or a bakery. Drive to an offbeat small town for the day and get coffee and croissant. Be it a solo trip or one with family and friends … physically place yourself in new locations. It could be playing tourist in your own city. I love driving to a different borough and exploring their cafes, museums, gardens, and parks. There is something about movement, newness, and curiosity that brings alive the child in us and works as an antidote for anything heavy. For example, NYC offers one-day getaways on the Metro North.
Be intentional about your social obligations
The world has changed since the pandemic. In our mind, we might want to say a YES to every invite but know that we are no longer the same since the lockdowns and quarantines. Communicating, commuting, purchasing gifts, and even planning can feel like a huge expenditure of energy. Summer can easily feel drabby if you overcommit and show up less than yourself at gatherings. Or you’ll feel the heaviness of guilt if you cancel plans at the last minute with friends. As you receive the invites or make social plans, remind yourself that lightness comes from staying true to yourself and not by feeling burdened by saying a YES to people, places, and events that don’t mean much.
Keep learning and growing
The other day, I took a one-day workshop with Dr. Vasant Lad—one of the pioneers in the world of Ayurveda. A colleague said to me, “But you are an Ayurvedic Doctor. Why are you still studying?” The fire for creativity, learning, and growing … never let it extinguish. When we believe we know everything, it makes us complacent and stunts us in more ways than we know. Everyone we meet … teaches us something and adds to our inner light.
Be of service to others
When we do something for others, we feel empowered and happy, which creates a feeling of lightness. Yes, volunteering or mentoring are impactful ways to harness your inner light. But what can you do in your day-to-day life? The other day, my friend couldn’t find her MetroCard and was feeling flustered as the ticket vending machine was broken. I paid for her subway ride. This simple gesture made me feel like a good friend and helped her feel visible and cared for. We didn’t even realize when we reached home as the journey was so light.
“There is no amount of darkness that can extinguish the inner light. The important thing is not to spend our lives trying to control the environment around us. The task is to control the environment within us.”
