The world and the world of weddings from the time I was a new bride has changed drastically. I have been married for over 25 years. Most of us—me and my friends/girl cousins — were married by the time we were 22 or 23 years of age.
I didn’t lift a finger during the wedding planning and neither did most girls I knew. Because a bride was expected to be shy and follow what she was asked to do. We were passive participants in the patriarchal set-up of Indian weddings. For the most part, no one asked the bride and groom what they wanted (aside from names of their friends for the wedding cards); it was about everyone but them. You couldn’t express yourself fully and had to stick to archaic social norms. The only place the bride (sometimes) had a say was the color of her lehenga.
Between globalization, feminism, and Sima aunty of Indian Matchmaking on Netflix … I love that traditional Indian weddings are getting a makeover. The brides are active decision-makers and write their own narrative. They curate, enjoy, plan, dance, and organize their weddings. Sure, some old traditions are passed down, but the brides have the choice to make it their own. They aren’t camera-shy or afraid to express their emotions and romance.
The modern bride reflects who she is as a person and what she aspires to in life. The focus is on personalization and what represents the true essence of the bride and the groom. This progress is so heart-warming, but the transformation also brings on stress, even if for a good reason.
For a bride, her wedding day is one of the most memorable days of her life. Yes, there might be a maid of honor, mother of the bride, bridesmaids and bridesmen, and groomsmen … but there are a lot of responsibilities on the bride’s shoulders, which can elevate her stress.
Here are some tips for brides to manage wedding stress:
- Practice meditation: Make sure to start your day with 10 minutes of quietude, no phone, and no talking to anyone. Even if it feels uncomfortable or unnecessary … it’s important to do mental flossing. Meditation and mindfulness make all the difference in navigating the wedding-related stress. Use apps like Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer. Or you can go into nature and walk without anything plugged into your ears. Practice being fully present. Also, meditation and mindfulness foster a positive and patient mindset.
- Delegate tasks: Most people want to help and feel involved. If there is a friend or a cousin you trust, be OK with delegating chores to them—I just don’t mean the Maid of Honor. Make a list, focus on people’s skills, match tasks based on their abilities, convey your expectations, provide necessary resources, express your gratitude, follow up, be flexible, and have a backup plan ready. Use this as an opportunity to feel supported and make those on your side … feel visible. But don’t overburden anyone. It also might be worth hiring professional help for complex tasks.
- Communicate with your partner: I can’t even imagine the stress of wedding planning for a bride. The desire for everything to go flawlessly with all the eyes looking at you. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, let your partner know. They can’t support you if they’re unaware of what you are feeling/thinking. If disagreements arise, be compassionate with each other. To avoid misunderstandings, right at the start … talk about your future goals, finances, hopes, budget, and plans in life. Don’t forget to hold space for your partner’s input so you both feel heard and valued.
- Schedule self-care activities: For self-care to be truly impactful, it needs to be sustainable and practiced regularly. Whether it’s 15 minutes of deep connection with a loved one or 10 minutes of pranayama practice or a workout or me-time with chai and a book or massages and facials … find self-care practices that sustain you. Plan regular catch ups with loved ones and let it be unrelated to the wedding. Know that there is no shame in seeking support from a therapist if needed.
- Take breaks from the wedding planning: Engage in non-wedding conversations, gatherings, and plans with your partner, friends, and family. Find other activities to focus on. Disconnect from social media and take intentional breaks from reading about other people’s successful wedding celebrations. This can help lower stress, prevent burnout, and help you enjoy normalcy amidst all the frenzy.
- Maintain a healthy diet and exercise routine: I had a friend in graduate school (more recent bride) who ate only tuna fish and nuts for a month prior to her wedding. It made her emotionally miserable, but she wanted to fit into her wedding dress and wanted to look a certain way. But the lack of nutrition along with pressures of a wedding planning, full-time job, and graduate school … left her feeling unpleasant and frustrated. Eating nourishing meals also help cut out cravings and working out mindfully can make you mentally resilient.
- Get adequate sleep: We live in a world where sleep is underrated. I have heard people say that sleep is for the weak. Well, when we sleep … the body detoxifies itself, restores energy, repairs the cells, strengthens the immunity and cardiovascular system, and regulates metabolism. I mean there are many more benefits of getting good sleep—but for a bride-to-be, good sleep puts life into perspective, makes you glow, and helps you enjoy your big day.
- Set realistic expectations and priorities: A friend of ours was supposed to get married and the world shut down because of COVID. All the preparations, planning, venue, guests list, catering order … needless to say, it was the epitome of chaos. But they knew what mattered most: their relationship. Focus on the meaning of the day, not just the implementation of logistics. It’s important to accept that we can make all the plans, but there are things not under our control. Even those in your corner might do their best, but it might not meet your expectations. Prioritize your relationships and remind yourself that a wedding is just one day but your marriage is long-term.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~ Dave Meurer
