I haven’t written about grief in a long time. I am at that stage of grief where it’s become a source of motivation for me. I am cognizant that the emptiness of losing both my parents is permanent, but I have learned to stay healthily busy. My thoughts are more about inner reflections and focused on both self-growth and professional growth. But as a certified grief coach, I feel it’s imperative to write about grief now: the festive season is here.
With Navratri, Dussehra, Karva Chauth, Diwali, and so many other festivals around the corner …some people might not feel festive or the desire to celebrate. Holidays might not be the happiest time of the year for someone who has lost a loved one, a pet, their health, home, marriage, job, an old friendship, or other situations. We all have our own unique experience with grief.
When you think about it … people from all over the world travel to India to find peace and healing. But Indians continue to be strangely uncomfortable talking about grief. We build walls and believe by not mentioning the G-word, we’ll heal.
We are the first to write “RIP” with a palm-folded emoji on people’s social media posts about loss. Without thinking, we also tell the griever to be strong and move on. I have been told too. Maybe because we lack the patience and empathy for someone to heal? In our desi culture, we don’t hold space for our own grief, forget someone else’s. We function in an autopilot mode, and are in a rush to eat, meet, greet, heal, and the next thing.
In one of the podcast interviews with a leading Ayurvedic skincare brand, when the founder and podcast host asked, “What kinds of diseases and health challenges do you see the most in your practice, Dr. Vikram?” … I took a deep breath, “Unaddressed grief and unresolved emotions, which eventually becomes the root cause of so many illnesses.”
A friend’s uncle recently passed away unexpectedly. She shrugged her shoulders, “These things happen. One has to move on.” He was in his early 60s and one day his heart failed him. It’s changed how she views her parents’ mortality. There is anxiety around her aunt and the cousins who are single. She isn’t over the loss, but she gave herself one week—between his funeral and last rites—to accept this new reality. As a result of ignoring the grief she’s experiencing, she turned to sugar and started using it as a coping mechanism while spending insane amounts of time scrolling her social media feed.
Keeping yourself mindlessly busy without facing your feelings isn’t healthy or self-care.
A client confessed that after losing her mom, she immersed herself in her work. She grew her business and signed on new clients. By prematurely throwing herself back into her work, she skipped many steps in her healing. Six years after losing her mother, on Christmas eve, she broke down in church. In Ayurveda-speak, she was stuck in the anger phase of grief and her Pitta Dosha got aggravated because of excessive wine and overworking, which eventually led to burnout. In grief coaching language, being too busy was a move of grief avoidance for her.
Yes, one of the ways to cope with grief is to keep yourself intentionally busy. Writing for me was cathartic after my father died, so I stayed busy creating articles for different magazines. But it was never to the point of using work as an excuse for going into denial or avoiding my pain. I didn’t wait for my grief to explode in my face. Sure, the focus of my writing shifted from health and wellness to grief journey and recovery as I found healing through writing and sharing my work with other people who understood my story.
Be it the mithais or desi clothes or music or dance party or weekend gatherings … the festive season can open doors to old wounds and grief. The empty seat in your heart as well as the dining table might not feel easy. And that’s why it’s important to have a holistic guide in place that empowers you to focus on YOU.
- Acknowledge your feelings: It’s normal to experience a range of emotions.
- Modify traditions: Adapt or create new traditions that honor your loved one.
- Set boundaries: It’s okay to decline invitations or leave events early if needed.
- Seek support: Connect with friends, family, or a support group.
- Practice self-care: Prioritize rest, nourishing foods, sleep, and activities that bring comfort.
- Remember your loved one: Find meaningful ways to include their memory in the celebrations.
- Be gentle with yourself: There’s no “right” way to grieve, especially during the festive season.“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure to grief is to grieve.” ~ Earl Grollman
