I recently saw a meme that read, “Don’t go broke with Christmas shopping just to impress others. And if anyone calls you fat during the holiday gatherings, eat them.”
Everyone I shared the meme with fell off the chair laughing. But the truth is that this meme was such a vital representation of people’s mental and emotional state during the holidays. Between erratic schedules, lack of time, financial pressures, family gatherings, triggered grief, expectations around social gatherings, irregular diet and lifestyle, and many other factors, holidays are an overwhelming time of the year. The unifying theme between traditions is oftentimes over-indulgence followed by guilt.
I, personally, love intimate holiday gatherings and parties. Hot cocoa, good company, memorable meals, unique get-togethers. It’s never about the food but always about the people who nourish us. An Aussie friend organized a cookie-swapping and cider sipping holiday gathering at her place. It was so much fun! Families. Friends. Laughter. No pretenses. Another friend—with her large Italian family—organized Sushi, carols, and an open bar Christmas gathering at her place. People sang and celebrated another year of being alive.
Despite my love of Christmas and the holiday season, I always say Have a Gentle Holiday Season instead of Happy or Merry. We don’t know what someone is going through. In fact, in one of the podcast interviews, I reminded the host a few times that holidays might not be the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for everyone. By constantly using the word joyous and merry, we might be exacerbating someone’s existing anxiety or loneliness or grief.
Avoid social media
Be intentional about your social media and news consumption. The holidays can amplify comparison and negative messaging, so curate your digital environment carefully. Not everyone is a bad person. But we tend to live in times where unless your life is a “highlighted reel,” it didn’t happen. If you are missing a loved one, recovering from a relationship, navigating bad health, or just about any reason that doesn’t make you feel joy, I urge you to do a social media detox until the end of the holiday season.
Acknowledge your feelings
Give yourself the permission to experience your emotions authentically. The holidays can bring up complex feelings, including sadness, stress, or loneliness, and it’s important to validate these experiences without judgment. A client confessed that she felt guilty for being joyous during the holidays despite having lost both her parents. No need to be guilt-ridden. It’s a privilege to be alive and living life. By the same token, if you’d rather spend the holidays doing your own thing and not have to deal with complicated family members, that’s OK too.
Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
The idealized holiday scenarios in media rarely match real life, so be kind to yourself and avoid perfectionism. It’s okay if everything isn’t picture-perfect. You don’t have to cook every meal. Give yourself the permission to rest, order in takeout, or skip a meal (unless there are health issues).
Practice boundaries and stress management
Learn to say no to events or commitments that will drain your energy. Prioritize activities that truly bring you joy and peace, rather than feeling obligated to attend every gathering or meet everyone’s expectations. I keep a few days for quiet rest, a few days for family, a few days for friends, and a few days for deep thinking. I communicate, with kindness but no apologies, that I can’t attend everything. I shouldn’t have to be sorry for prioritizing my family’s self-care.
Create a budget
Set a budget for gifts and celebrations to avoid financial stress. My husband and I purchase handmade cookie gift baskets from a local bakery in our neighborhood. The ingredients are from Europe, and the taste is absolutely delicious. We give the basket to our dentist, cleaners, garage, nail salon, local spa, hairdresser etc. etc.—it’s a long list. This year, the family-owned bakery almost doubled the price of their cookie basket, which impacts my budget. I get it; everything is so expensive nowadays! So, the people to whom we gifted homemade Diwali mithai baskets, we decided to not give them any cookies this Christmas. I will still give them business in December and bake them cookies close to Valentine’s Day. Remember that meaningful connections matter more than expensive presents.
Curate space for solitude and personal restoration
As a small business owner as well as a writer, I need time away from jeera, dhaniya, dinner menu, and all things domesticated for a few days. As an Ayurvedic Doctor, grief coach, and speaker … I need time off from hearing people’s problems and listening to what I need. Schedule quiet time for yourself, whether it’s reading, meditation, journaling, hiking, going to the movies or museum alone, or simply sitting peacefully with a warm beverage. Growth comes from a place of stillness and quietude.
Don’t ignore physical self-care
Maintain consistent sleep patterns and healthy eating habits. While holiday treats are enjoyable, try to balance indulgence with nutritious meals and adequate rest. Continue your regular exercise routine or find winter-friendly physical activities. Movement can significantly help manage stress and boost mood, whether it’s a gentle walk, yoga, or indoor workouts. It’s also a good way to enjoy me-time, if you are spending time with the family.
Find emotional support
Reach out to supportive friends or family members if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to communicate your needs and feelings. Consider creating new traditions that bring you comfort, especially if traditional celebrations feel challenging or triggering. If you are missing a deceased loved one, honor their memory by cooking their favorite dish or donating/volunteering in their name or lighting up a candle at your altar. If you’re struggling significantly, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Many therapists offer holiday-focused counseling or have flexible telehealth options.
Practical self-compassion strategies
Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or short meditation sessions to ground yourself during potentially stressful moments. If family gatherings are emotionally taxing, plan strategic breaks or have an exit strategy. It’s okay to limit your time in challenging social situations. My husband and I choose to leave parties before those with a drinking problem highjack all the fun and replace it with toxicity. This way, we experience joy and connection without being subjected to gossip or bad behavior.
Remember, self-care looks different for everyone. The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself, honor your own needs, and create a holiday experience that supports your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Our needs also keep evolving so don’t be embarrassed or apologize … rather pay attention to it.
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” ~Denis Waitley
