People often confess to me, “All I want is to be happy, Dr. Vikram!”
I remind people that happiness isn’t a pill that you can purchase and swallow for a long-lasting effect. It’s an inside job and homemade. Make happiness a daily practice.
Here are some simple ways to do so:
Do your thing: Have you watched the movie Srikanth Bolla starring Rajkumar Rao? This biopic beautifully encapsulates the life and struggles of Srikanth Bolla, a visually impaired industrialist who defied all odds, rewrote history, made changes in the lives of thousands of people (if not more), and achieved monumental success. Did you know that Srikanth was from rural India, and he became the first visually impaired student at MIT. What struck me as extraordinary is Srikanth’s focus and ability to thrive no matter the situation. He chose to stay in his lane and grow instead of competing and comparing with others. Human resilience and determination towards a dream can be building blocks of happiness.
Practice a little less judgment: For the last week or two, social media and the internet were ablaze with updates on the Ambani wedding. Celebrities dancing, diamonds shining, ceremonies going on, and everything extravaganza being displayed. People keep sharing their opinions and fuming over the opulence while stalking every picture and video ever shared. I don’t have any big opinions on the wedding shenanigans. But I would think this wedding spectacular employed thousands of people and put food on their tables? It brought down traffic but also joy. Ambanis have earned their money and have the right to spend it the way they want. We don’t have to like or agree with their ideology, but we must respect people’s choices. Same principle is applied to high school graduation parties, engagement parties, 50th destination birthday celebrations, or over-the-top 25th wedding anniversary merriments. How anyone wants to live their life or spend their hard-earned money, who are we to judge them? Notice … the minute you let people be … your body breathing changes.
Try non-attachment: Last week, I fell sick and had a complicated tooth situation where I needed an emergency surgery. This meant the week prior and the week after, I was at home on antibiotics and painkillers without any human connection with friends/colleagues/family (sans my husband) or workouts/yoga. I had many things on my to-do list, which I had to suddenly cancel. Attachment would mean not being able to let go and feeling upset about things being out of control. Detachment would imply not caring, which is untrue. I put a lot of effort into my work, health, and relationships. Non-attachment meant accepting the status quo and not resisting what was happening. I had made the plans but wasn’t overly attached to desires or outcomes. This makes room for us to experience what we wouldn’t otherwise. Meaning if your dinner, travel, chai, or movie plans with a friend or family member fall through, don’t overthink or personalize it. Things happen; don’t assume they are being done to you. That extra mind chatter isn’t helpful.
Be hungry for the lessons: One of my Ayurvedic teachers, Dr. Vasant Lad, often reminded us that we should never give up the hunger and humility that comes with being a new student. Be it in life or your practice, show up with that curiosity every day. Because in every situation, there is something worth learning. You have the choice to either crib about what didn’t go your way or how people hurt you or how the seething temperatures messed up your chiffon sari or how the ridiculous show of wealth at any celebration makes you sick OR you can find inspiration in all of these situations. Ask yourself if your commentary is from a place of rejection or anger or entitlement or jealousy or genuine heartache or a habit that needs transformation? When a summer plan doesn’t go your way … will you pause and ask yourself if the stillness taught you something?
Maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle: Movement is life. It releases happy hormones and lowers stress. Read that again. 70-80% of the body is made in the kitchen. But not just that’ what we eat also impacts how we think and feel. The gut provides approximately 95% of total body serotonin. For example, several mood disorders, such as anxiety, depression, and autism spectrum disorders now have well-established links to functional GI disruptions, whereas GI disease (eg, irritable bowel syndrome, irritable bowel disease) often involve psychological comorbidities associated with alteration of the gut microbiome.[1]
Befriend yourself: The only thing constant in life is that everything is transient. Marriages, jobs, friendships … they all transform and sometimes, come to an end. A deep thinker would say that the soul contracts timed out and a relationship ended without any falling out. But in layman’s terms … here is a friendly reminder: Life happens, people’s priorities change, and situations come up. Don’t play victim. You are the person you have to live with for the rest of your life. Why not invest in her/him? The more you get to know yourself, the happier you become.
If you rely on others and external sources to experience bliss, you will create an external dependency. Meaning, if a new iPhone or laptop or car or dress or a party or a yacht ride or a meal at a Michelin restaurant brings you happiness in the moment … how do you sustain and nourish it if you don’t have access to these things for a myriad of reasons? Or how do you find joy when the experience is over?“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.” ~ John Spence
