From unconditional family support to a tribe of caring women
Last Saturday (March 16), I attended my graduation ceremony for the Doctor of Ayurveda Program. It was an emotional weekend because my father had wanted to attend this big day. My brother and sister-in-law had intended to join us from Singapore. My husband was planning to rent a spacious Airbnb, so we could all be comfortable and cozy.
Trauma and losses became the epicenter of our life in the past year. I didn’t even want to attend my own graduation. What was the point? But my husband and a few close friends said this step was necessary in my own healing journey. And I needed to celebrate myself, my hard work, and my resilience.
Finding Connection And Meaningful Support
A day before my graduation, I flew into Fort Lauderdale, Florida alone. That evening, a dear friend from the program, Lindsey and I met for dinner. The spring breeze and summer dress complimented our mood. We had done it!!! Despite life, family commitments, careers, upheavals, we were Ayurvedic doctors.
We laughed, we cried, we rolled our eyes, we made plans, we discussed our businesses, we shared vulnerabilities, we brainstormed, and we talked about a million things until the wee hours. At 10 p.m., her husband reached out to make sure all was okay—both Lindsey and I are the types who go to bed by 9:30 p.m. My husband was waiting for my call in NYC. Lindsey and I exited the restaurant with so much gratitude. The school and degree had asked so much of us, and we couldn’t have done it alone.
Next day, Lindsey and her family gave me a ride to the graduation ceremony and dropped me back to my hotel. Her little boy and husband spent a Saturday watching the woman they love graduate. The boy had a smile on his face throughout. When I asked if he had a good time, the six-year-old said yes. I joked with Lindsey that she and I had way less patience compared to her adorable son.
The founder of the school is now deceased, but her husband was present to honor his wife’s legacy and the new crop of Ayurvedic doctors. The head of admissions and current owner of the school organized a brilliant gathering—her husband made sure that Zoom worked effectively, and champagne poured effortlessly. I noticed all of this, but I didn’t put two and two together until Lindsey gave a real and heartfelt speech about her experience about being in the doctoral program.
She acknowledged that without the help and support of our loved ones, none of us could have become Ayurvedic doctors. It took me a second to reflect on these past few years. We were in school on more weekends than I can count. Let’s not forget homework, case study discussions, exams, writing the thesis, thesis defense, and many more commitments of a doctoral program including but not limited to constantly analyzing people (doshic imbalances) in our personal universe. Be it holidays or festivals, there was an assignment or a work deadline due. Most of us didn’t make any holiday plans end of last year because we had our final exams in January 2024. But we never once heard a complaint from our families.
My husband attended the graduation ceremony via Zoom, and he invited some of our cousins and friends too to join in. It was a surprise for me to see his face pop up on the big screen and names of my cousins too. That love and support that I felt in that moment was healing.
From Skepticism To Encouragement
When I started my doctoral journey, I was skeptical at first. How would I manage cross-continental caregiving, a job, home, clients, health, and a doctorate program? I love fun, pause, and living life, not dragging it. My husband asked what was stopping me. I don’t have the bandwidth, I confessed. Amongst other things, I cook fresh meals at least 5 days of the week. How could I take on more workload? He said he would learn to make pasta, grilled veggies, and dal-chawal-bhendi. This way, when I was buried under school deadlines and unable to cook, we wouldn’t depend on takeout.
It’s a joke that he conned me the first week by cooking the three dishes, so I would enroll in the doctoral program. Since his supportive speech, he has cooked maybe 10-12 meals overall! All jokes aside, I don’t care about that. I am grateful I was able to pursue my dream because I had the confidence in him and his intention to support me. When we reached late at gatherings (after finishing classes) or left early (because I had a class the next morning), our friends and cousins never once judged or cringed.
The Tribe We All Need
This Women’s History Month, I don’t need to remind you that for a woman to do well and succeed, she needs a strong tribe of women friends and colleagues. A woman needs emotionally mature and non-threatening colleagues who will mention her name even when she isn’t present in the room. My colleagues, classmates, and dean did a promotional photo shoot for my book “The Loss That Binds Us” at the end of the graduation ceremony.
But for a woman to be truly happy and healthy, she also deserves the support of her inner circle—be it her partner or children or parents or siblings or close friends and cousins. Or all the above. Because women are conditioned to take on too much and feel guilty for their ambitions. It’s special to have people who support you unconditionally without a noise.
You can argue that if you are dedicated, no matter the obstacle, you can achieve your goal. I don’t disagree. But doesn’t life feel less exhausting and more nourishing when women are given the support they deserve?
“Every mother works hard, and every woman deserves to be respected.” ~ Michelle Obama
